Let it go of the need for revenge-Forgiveness

What is forgiveness?

 Forgiveness is a process of letting go of the past and opening the future, of reclaiming energy from events we do not need in our lives, and accepting ourselves more fully. It is a way of releasing ourselves from the past, from the burden of our own false expectations, and from the pain we have experienced at the hands of others. It is release from judgment including our judgment of ourselves. If you are a parent you can provide a wonderful model for your children by forgiving. What a waste of energy it is to stay angry for decades and it is a gift that we give to ourselves.

Steps towards forgiveness

• ·         Acknowledge your inner pain
• ·         Protect yourself from further victimization
• ·         Try to understand the point of view and motivations of the person to be forgiven; replace anger with compassion.
• ·         Express those emotions in non-hurtful ways yelling or attacking.
• ·         Decide whether  to remain in the relationship
• ·         Forgive yourself for your role in the relationship

  What is not forgiveness?

• ·         Forgiveness is not forgetting or pretending it didn’t happen
• ·         Forgiveness is not excusing
• ·         Forgiveness is not giving permission to continue hurtful behaviors or nor is it condoning the
• ·         Forgiveness is not reconciliation and we have to make a separate decision about whether to reconcile with the person we are forgiving or whether to maintain our distance.

 

 Characteristics of Authentic Forgiveness

1.       Authentic forgiveness is a process

It will depend on the degree of the offense, and it will often take time to develop in a victim’s heart and mind en take especially in cases of abuse. There ought to be much grace shown towards those harmed so that they can embark on a process with God where that forgiveness can take root in the midst of an all –encompassing healing process.

2.       Authentic forgiveness is a one-way action

Forgiveness is understood, is a one way action and doesn’t require a relationship between victim and their abuser not at all. Forgiveness is a process of realizing anger and vengeance to avoid the deadly onset of bitterness and darkness. It is the positive desire for good and not evil to befall the offender that they might get the help they need and not be abandoned to darkness themselves.

3.       Authentic forgiveness is holistic freedom

Freedom for the victim is the whole point of realizing anger and forgiving the perpetrator .How could there be any freedom if shame or blame is projected back on the victim to alleviate pressure on the abuser, as is often the case in religious setting? Forgiveness means holistic freedom, which means safety from continued harm. Forgiveness can only happen when there is justice for the victim and strong boundaries of protection in place. Lastly in all cases we have the law of the land to enforce as a priority in protecting the vulnerable among us.