It is better to leave it broken –relationships

Recovering from broken relationships-ten steps to recovery

 

1. Go through it, not around it

I realize the most difficult task for person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what you must do, because if you go around some issues are tearing your apart inside, and then you will bump into them somewhere down the line. No shortcuts without its share obstructions.

2. Stand on your own

you must say “I don’t need anyone or anything to make me happy “that job is all my own, with a little help from God.it is my job to fill the emptiness, and I can do it-creatively and with the help of God.

3. Detach

 Avoid attempting to fill the void yourself by rushing into a new relationship or trying desperately to win your love back-this is essentially what detaching is all about. Low healing time, because when you rush you’ll crush.

4. List your strengths

The person must pull himself/herself up by saying “self, you have been sober for 20 years! Weaklings can’t pull off that! Here you are, alive, after those months of intense challenges, during the loss of your first daughter and stock market crush. Move on from this sadness and try to be productive individual in this world.

5. Allow fantasizing

Try to remind yourself of positive memories with that person and fantasize.

6. Help someone

Help the person who has the same problem like you and forget about you self for a moment, And, let’s face it, that in itself feels like a miracle on some days.

7. Laugh and cry

Laughter heals on many levels and so does crying. There are many physiological reasons that contribute to the healing power of tears.

8. Make a good and bad list

You need to know which activities will make you feel good, and which ones will make you want to toilet paper your ex-lover’s home. You won’t really know which activity belongs on which list until you start trying things, and stop checking out his Facebook and seeing that he has just posted photo of his gorgeous new girlfriend is not going to make you feel good and cut telephone conversation with his friends fishing information about him. Deleting all of his e-mails and voice mails, pawning off jewelry he gave you, laughing over coffee with new friend .

9. Work it out

Working out your grief quite literally by running, swimming, walking, or kick-boxing is going to give you immediate relief.

10. Love deeply again

Once our hearts are bruised and burned from a relationship that has ended, we have to options: we close off parts of our hearts so that no one will be able to get inside it again. Or we love again –deeply just as intensely as we did before.Henri Nouwen urges us to love again because the heart only expands with love we are able to pour forth.

Yes you can-LOVE

Love is a special and complicated emotion which is difficult to understand. It when two people who care for one another makes their lives together, build a home together, laugh or cry together, face the storms of life together and celebrate together.According to Bible love is kind, it does not envy.it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs and it always protects, always trusts, always hopes and love never fails.

Four types of love

·         Agape-the love of humanity

This love makes us sorrowful when we hear of a crisis in another nation or our own and that makes us to give our time or money to charity. It connected us with people we don’t know simply on basis of experiences we share as human beings.

·         Storage- family love

The love parent has for a child, or child has for a favorite aunt or family member.

·         Philia –shared experiences

The love we feel for people we strive with to achieve a shred goal, like our co-workers, players in soccer team or netball team, police in police force.

·         Eros-romantic and erotic love

It is based on sex and powerful magnetism

Sings of true love in a relationship

• Give and take in love-you commit yourself in relationship without expectations of getting something back in return from your partner.
• Pure happiness-just watching the person smile or laugh out fill you with joy and happiness even if you hard bad day.
• Pain and anger-you get hurt when your love one is upset you but their actions never anger you.
• Sacrifices-the other partner makes sacrifices for their happiness even if they may never realize it.
• The right effort-you make an effort to improve the relationship and try to please your partner, by making them feel loved and special.
• You can’t ever hurt them-when you are in love with someone you can’t hurt them emotionally or physically and true love makes you selfless.
• You keep your promises-when you make a promise fulfill it and you moral conscience becomes very strong when it comes to this one special.
• We- if you truly love your partner you see them as part of you or your life and their part of your future.
• You share their burden-you share the burden of your partner even if you don’t really have to. If they are having issues to deal with you’re there to offer them a helping hand even you have your own problems to solve
• Pride and jealousy-you become happy when they achieve something, even if its same thing you failed at and jealousy never enters the picture.
• Suffering- you ‘be will to suffer just to see them happy.
• Their perspective-in everything you do keep your lover in mind and think from their perspective.

A winner never quits-Leadership

A leader is someone who brings people together and gave them guidance towards common goals. According Chinese military general “Art of War” Sun TZU leader is one who cultivate the moral law and proper methods and discipline. Thomas Carlyle says leader were born and not made, other views of Spencer is that leaders are the result of the society in which they lived. Leadership is the ability lid that determines a person’s level of effectiveness. We can mention great leaders such as Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Gandhi and Steve Jobs of Apple.

Qualities of Leadership

• Honesty- leader’s makes honest and ethical behavior important value, your team will follow
• Ability to delegate-delegating tasks to your team is one of the important skills as a leader. Delegation is identifying the strength of your team and capitalizes on them.
• Sense of humor-The leader should instill a positive energy and encourage your team to laugh at mistakes instead of crying.
• Team morale. In crisis you need to ensure your team stays calm and confident. Confidence-when things are not the way they were supposed to be part of the leader job is to put fires and maintain the
• Commitment- if your expect your team to work hard and produce quality content and lead by example.it earn you respect of your team
• Positive attitude-the leader create conducive atmosphere in the company members are invited out for coffee or just occasional beer in the office to keep office mood fine.
• Creativity-the leader think out of the box and choose which is the best choice when have two choices.
• Intuition-the leader lead in uncertain times to guide the team through the process of your day to day tasks.
• Ability to Inspire-the leader makes the team feel invested in the achievement of the company and inspire them to focus on the future goals.

Leadership theories

• Great man theories-great leaders are born with internal characteristics such as confidence, charisma, intelligence and skills that make them born leaders.
• Trait theories-leaders have special traits such as self-confidence, extroversion and courage.
• Contingency theories- the success of the leader depends on various variables like leadership styles, qualities of the followers and the situation.
• Situational theories-leaders choose the best action based on the situational variables.
• Behavioral theories-leaders are made not born and people can become great leaders through teaching and learning.
• Participative theories-leaders encourage and contributions from groups and make groups to feel committed to the decision.
• Management theories-focused more on the role of supervision, organization and people performance
• Relationship theories-it focus on connections formed between leaders and followers and inspires people.

Leadership styles

• Autocratic style- the leaders take decision without consulting with others and decision made without any form of consultation.
• Democratic style- the leader involves people in the decision-making and it is appreciated by people.
• Laisser-faire style- the leaders is not much involve in decision making and allows people to make their own decisions but is still responsible for the results.

You can transform yourself - depression

Depression can be defined as emotional numbness; a person may feel that he has no inner joy because positive emotions have been blocked by unhappy memories. It is intense feeling of sadness and other symptoms, such as losing interest in things you enjoy, may last for a while. It’s a medical illness, not a sign of weakness and also treatable.

What are the symptoms of depression?

• ·         Loss of interest  or pleasure in usual activities including se
• ·         Insomnia or oversleeping
• ·         Fatigue or lack energy
• ·         Feelings of guilty,hopelessness,hopelessness
• ·         Thoughts of suicide
• ·         Slow movements
• ·         Weight loss or gain
• ·         Trouble in concentrating or making decisions

What causes depression?

• ·         Abuse- sexual ,or emotional abuse
• ·         Certain medications-antiviral drug  and corticosteroids
• ·         Conflict- it can cause depression as result from personal conflicts or arguments with family members
• ·         Death or loss-too much grief from death of a family member may increase the risk of  depression
• ·         Major events- new environment such as marrying or starting a new job can lead to depression  Some
• ·         Other personal problems- such as new job  ,graduating ,mental  illnesses can cause depression
• ·         Substances abuse-nearly 30% of people with substance abuse have major clinical depression
• ·         Serious illnesses- it co exists with a major illness or a reaction to the illness.
• ·         Genetics-depression maybe inherited across generations.

Ways of dealing with depression

• ·         Exercise or sport-it will revitalize our blood stream.
• ·         Listen to your favorites music
• ·         Read inspiring books or articles by successful people who have overcome handicaps or difficulties
• ·         Visit a friend who have cheerful attitude to life or love life and see funny side of things
• ·         Focus on beauty in fields or garden or in a picture.
• ·         Find fresh inspiration from your religion
• ·         Avoid those substances that are known to cause mood swings or depression
• ·         Set yourself a project or some goals at work even if you do not feel to do so.
• ·         Join a support group it will help you to have supportive people around you is uplifting and brings healing.
• ·         If depression is gone too far and deep rooted seek professional help

Treatment of depression

• ·         Depression medicines-we have many depression treatment today and work with your doctor for best description
• ·         Psychotherapy-find how it lifts the mood and help patients with depression.
• ·         Electric shock treatment—It is used for severe depression or when medicines fail to work
• ·         Interpersonal therapy- it is the therapy for children and addresses group sessions.
• ·         Psycho dynamic therapy- it helps with depression
• ·         Cognitive behavioral therapy- it is used to treat depression, how it works and what to expect in sessions.

Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety is normal human emotional that everyone experiences at times. It differs according to people and many people feel nervous, or anxious when faced with a problem at work, before making important decision, and before taking a test.Anxiety can cause stress that interferes with a person ‘ability to lead a normal life. It is a serious mental illness and people with anxiety disorders, fear and worry are constant and overwhelming and can be crippling.

Types of anxiety disorder

• ·         Social anxiety disorder-It is called social phobia, social anxiety disorder involves lot or worry and self- consciousness about every situation.
• ·         Specific phobia-is an intense fear for a specific object or situation such as heights, snakes flying. The level of fear will cause the person to avoid similar situation every day.
• ·         Panic disorder-people with this conditions have feelings of terror that strike suddenly  and without warning .Symptoms include chest pain,sweating,palpitations,and feeling of choking  that will make the person feel like he or she have heart attack or going crazy.
• ·         Generalized anxiety disorder- it involves excessive, unrealistic worry and tension, even if there is nothing to start the anxiety.

 What Causes of Anxiety disorder?

• ·         The exact cause of anxiety disorders is unknown.
• ·         Problem in the functioning of brain circuits that regulate fear and other emotions.
• ·         Long lasting stress can change the way nerve cells circuits transmit information from region of the brain to another.
• ·         It is inheritance from one or both parents like risk for heart disease or cancer.
• ·         The environmental factors also cause anxiety such as trauma or important event.

 What are Symptoms of an anxiety disorder?

• ·         Panic attacks
• ·         Phobia
• ·         Social anxiety
• ·         Problem sleeping
• ·         Shortness of breath
• ·         Dizziness
• ·         Inability to be still and calm
• ·         Dry mouth
• ·         Heart palpitations

Ways to reduce anxiety

• ·         Accept that you’re anxious-remind yourself that anxiety is simply an emotional reaction and start to accept it.
• ·         Realize that your brain is playing ricks on you-Calm the patient that he is not dying, that will pass and his brain is playing tricks on him.
• ·         Question your thoughts –when people are anxious their brains start coming up with all sorts of outlandish ideas and many are unrealistic and unlikely to happen.
• ·         Be an observer without judgment-give the patients cards written on it practice observing, (thoughts,feeling,emotions) without judgment
• ·         Focus on right now-even if something serious happening, focusing on the present moment will improve your ability to manage the situation.
• ·         Take a deep breath-when you are anxious breath.